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Considering the Future at MFS – What If Kindness Were a Competitive Advantage?

During the strategic planning process this year, please enjoy articles of interest and other resources that invite you to think alongside us as we consider the future of Moorestown Friends School. The piece by Julia de la Torre below is the first in this series.

By Julia de la Torre, Head of School

I recently attended my son’s parent/guardian conference with his Kindergarten teacher. One of the first things she shared was a heartwarming story of how my son helped his reading partner with some tough sentences by pointing word-to-word and offering compassionate support. Nothing could have made me happier in that moment, but quickly my mind wandered to the land of academic benchmarks. How was he doing with writing? Were his letters clear? Is he getting the foundations of math? I have been in education for over 20 years, and I should know more than anyone that those benchmarks will eventually be achieved and that they carry little meaning if a child isn’t able to connect with others, show compassion, and nurture his emotional self. Yet there I was falling into a common trap of focusing on traditional benchmarks of success instead of deeply listening to and appreciating this story of kindness.

The very next day, I read a compelling piece in The Atlantic titled Stop Trying to Raise Successful Kids, and Start Raising Kind Ones. The article made the claim that kindness and generosity are on the decline among young people, as our society focuses more and more on individual achievement as a marker of success. Authors Adam Grant and Allison Sweet Grant shared that “a rigorous analysis of annual surveys of American college students showed a substantial drop from 1979 to 2009 in empathy and in imagining the perspectives of others. Over this period, students grew less likely to feel concern for people less fortunate than themselves — and less bothered by seeing others treated unfairly.” The article goes on to say that children as young as toddlers show an innate desire to care for others, yet as they age, they take their cues from the adults in their lives who tend to value accomplishments over kindness.

Like the authors of the article, I believe that this is not a zero-sum game and that achievement and kindness go hand-in-hand. In fact, I would argue that the Quaker values of empathy, community, and social responsibility are critical components of a rigorous academic experience. Through meaningful relationships, close listening, and the careful consideration of diverse perspectives, students are able to go beyond rote learning to take a more critical and compassionate view of the world around them. The Atlantic article draws a direct connection between generous people and higher wages and increased professional success. What if we as a society considered kindness a competitive advantage, as opposed to a “soft skill” that is seen as marginal to an academic or professional setting?

recent piece in the Harvard Business Review claims that in addition to intellect (IQ) and emotional intelligence (EQ), there is a critical need for DQ — or “decency quotient” — among business leaders. In this article, Bill Boulding, Dean of Duke University’s Fuqua School of Business, shares that intellect and emotional intelligence don’t always mean that leaders are “doing right by others” and that “it is decency that ensures IQ and EQ are used to benefit society, not tear it down.” Success in the workplace is defined not just by quantitative outcomes but by how we value and treat others in service of a common goal.

As Moorestown Friends School engages in our strategic planning process, we are asking ourselves the important question of what defines success — for our students and for our institution. If our school is effectively preparing students for the diverse, challenging, and ever-changing world of work and play in the 21st century, then what skills, dispositions, and mindsets will they need in order to contribute in meaningful ways to a global society? What educational experiences will allow them to not only compete, but — more importantly — collaborate with their peers to engage with real-world problems? I believe that Friends schools are more necessary than ever before, as they prioritize empathy and compassion as part of the school experience. Consider Thanksgiving Happening, the Middle School Service Fair, and Intensive Learning. Countless MFS alumni cite these experiences as some of their most cherished memories because they were encouraged to give back and work together in meaningful ways. At MFS, these experiences are not peripheral, but integral to a rigorous learning environment.

In the lead-up to the holiday season, I would encourage us all to step back from the rapid pace of our daily lives and reframe for ourselves what we mean by “success” in today’s world. Instead of asking our children about their most recent grade or test, consider how we might leverage the season of giving to focus our children on the needs of others. Chances are it will promote rich discussion with our kids and speak volumes to them about what we value most.

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